Confused, embarassed, disappointed, depressed, flabbergasted.. Tried to fly under the radar. Get in, get a decent grade, get out.. That's how it usually works for me..I don't stand out, I blend in. Know me now, Forget me later.. I like it like that and I hope to keep things that way... But all it takes is just one stupid night to change everything...
For 17 days, I have worked my butt off to get a decent evaluation from my preceptors. I studied every night and morning. Researched everything they told us that we should know. I had some sleepless nights trying to read all my reference books just to get the right answer. I had a good ride. Between the three of us ICTs, I would say I'm average. I'm not the best or the worst. I'm just okay. Being okay can give me the grade that I need. I tend to do more by being assertive, independent and friendly. But looks like I shouldn't have tried so hard.
My being assertive, wanting to do everything that I should be doing anyways lead them to think I'm too overconfident. Independent asking them not to help or assist me lead them to think I'm too proud. Being friendly to my senior staff nurses lead them to think I'm a flirt. Yes! Good Job! Three days left of my ICT and I did something stupid.
Actually all those things that happened, happened in one day only. One day and everything comes crumbling down. It was tuesday night and I and Tons were invited by our senior staff nurses for a drink. We got wasted so much that our Charge Nurses learned about it. It was okay. They were just going to remind us not to drink to much the next time. But tomorrow after, I had a major hangover, that I wasn't feeling well while on duty. At least Tons had his day off that time, but me?! I wanted to vomit every 15 minutes. I had a hard time standing up because I'd get dizzy. My head was throbbing like mad and I didn't eat anything because of an upset stomach. It was such a bad day to work but I had to. I had no choice. My chance of doing the right thing ended when I started drinking non-stop the night before. That's when all things wrong happened.
Sir Carlo, a senior staff nurse, was blamed for the drunken night. He kept saying sorry to me and I was totally cool with it. It wasn't really a big deal since all the charged nurse knew was that we got drunk and not wasted to the point of me vomiting everywhere. But looks like Sir Carlo didn't hold his mouth telling them I was puking a lot! Now, they think I'm a flirt because they caught me and Sir Carlo leaving the ward early and having a burger. I left early because I wasn't feeling well. But I got my job done right? I wasn't like some of them, getting nonpermitted absences just because.. I came, did my job and left. What they said, I should've waited for them to finish the endorsement. I didn't know that!!! C'mon! It was also Sir Carlo who insisted to accompany me in buying something to eat. I didn't eat for that whole day except for a cup noodles for dinner. Looks like I'm the talk of the ward now anyways.. Everyone kept asking me if I'm alright. If how am I doing. It's so frustrating. Better make myself more "blendable" than before.
One thing I know for sure:
1. I should apologize to ma'am Mae without trying to defend my actions. Just be humble and admit my mistake.
2.I better stay away from Sir Carlo without looking as if I'm really avoiding him.
3. Forget everything that happened and what will happen.
4. That'll be the last time I'll get drunk ever!
I just hope that I'll still end up with a job at San Juan de Dios after this. Really don't know if I still want to end up at San Juan Unit.
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